The Four Tendencies And FI With Gretchen Rubin
Episode 162
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Episode Title: Understanding the Four Tendencies with Gretchen Rubin
Episode Summary: Understanding the four tendencies can significantly enhance communication about financial independence with loved ones. This episode features insights from Gretchen Rubin, renowned author of The Happiness Project. Recognizing personality traits can improve interpersonal dynamics, particularly when discussing financial goals. The episode discusses how to tailor communication strategies based on these tendencies to encourage support and alignment with partners, fostering productive conversations about finances.
Key Takeaways:
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Introduction to the Four Tendencies
- Overview of the four tendencies: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.
- Each tendency responds differently to expectations, influencing financial discussions.
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Exploring Personality Types
- Understanding personal and others' tendencies can enhance communication and outcomes.
- Different approaches are needed for effective discussions about financial independence.
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Applying Tendencies to Financial Conversations
- Tailor discussions based on your partner’s tendency for better understanding and support.
- Effective strategies for presenting financial concepts to various personality types.
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Gretchen's Personal Journey and Identity
- Gretchen's transition from a Supreme Court clerk to a best-selling author.
- The role of her Up-holder tendency in her life decisions and career changes.
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Hot Seat Questions
- Engaging and memorable questions that reveal insights about Gretchen's experiences and advice.
Actionable Takeaways:
- Tailor your discussion about financial independence based on your partner's tendency to enhance understanding.
- Use clarity and encouragement when discussing finances to build accountability.
- Create a supportive environment by aligning on financial goals.
Key Quotes:
- "Understanding different perspectives helps set up successful interactions."
- "Trusting oneself is a powerful source of comfort."
- "Obligers often confuse the absence of outer expectations with the ability to meet inner expectations."
Resources Mentioned:
Discussion Questions:
- How do different personality types affect financial decision-making?
- What strategies can be employed to communicate financial goals effectively?
Related Topics:
- The significance of personality traits in interpersonal communications.
- Strategies for fostering productive financial conversations in relationships.
Email Campaign Snippets:
- "How do you navigate money discussions with different personality types?"
- "Unlock the secrets of your personality with the Four Tendencies quiz!"
Podcast Description: Join Dominick Quartuccio and Brad Barrett as they talk with Gretchen Rubin about the four tendencies and their impact on pursuing financial independence. Discover how understanding personality traits can enhance your communication around financial goals for greater success.
Next Steps:
- Subscribe to the ChooseFI Podcast for more insights and discussions on financial independence.
- Visit chooseFI.com/start for an illustrated guide to begin your journey towards financial independence.
Podcast Intro: You're listening to ChooseFI. The blueprint for financial independence lives here...
Podcast Extro: You've been listening to ChooseFI Podcast, where we help middle-class America build wealth one life hack at a time.
Understanding the Four Tendencies: Enhancing Financial Independence Discussions
Engaging in meaningful discussions about financial independence requires effective communication, especially when it comes to differing personality traits. In this article, we will explore the four tendencies of Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels, as outlined by Gretchen Rubin, and provide actionable strategies to improve your conversations on financial goals.
The Importance of Knowing Your Tendency
Recognizing your own tendency and that of your spouse, partner, or loved one is crucial when discussing financial independence. Each personality type responds differently to expectations, which can dramatically affect how financial discussions unfold.
- Upholders meet both outer and inner expectations. They often thrive in structured environments and appreciate clear guidelines.
- Questioners will meet expectations only if they make sense to them. They seek justification and clarity in choices.
- Obligers readily meet outer expectations but struggle to fulfill their inner expectations. They often need accountability from others.
- Rebels resist both outer and inner expectations, prioritizing their freedom and autonomy over obligations.
Tailoring Communication Strategies
Effective communication can enhance mutual understanding and foster collaboration. Below are tailored strategies for each tendency.
For Upholders
Set Clear Goals and Deadlines
Since Upholders appreciate discipline, present financial goals along with a timeline. Schedule regular check-ins to review progress and reinforce their commitment to the plan.
For Questioners
Provide Justification and Data
Questioners need to understand the rationale behind decisions. When discussing financial strategies, provide them with data, clearly explain the benefits, and discuss potential outcomes. Use spreadsheets to break down numbers—they'll appreciate the transparency.
For Obligers
Create Outer Accountability
Obligers thrive on external expectations. To encourage financial buy-in, suggest making appointments with financial advisors or regular meetings to discuss progress. Emphasize mutual benefits, framing the conversation in a way that reflects their commitments to family or team goals.
For Rebels
Emphasize Freedom and Choice
Rebels are motivated by autonomy. Instead of framing discussions around limitations or constraints, highlight how achieving financial independence will grant them the freedom to explore new opportunities. Encourage them to express their own goals and timeline in the conversation.
Fostering Constructive Conversations
These strategies can foster an environment conducive to open discussions about finances. Here are a few additional tips to help navigate these conversations effectively:
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Build Trust
Establishing trust is essential when discussing sensitive topics like money. Create a safe, non-judgmental space for open dialogue where both parties can express their thoughts fearlessly. -
Align on Shared Goals
Identify shared financial objectives and use them as a foundation for conversations. Establishing unified goals can make discussions more productive and less confrontational. -
Encourage Flexibility
Remind everyone that discussions should remain fluid. Encourage adapting the conversation style to best engage the other person's tendencies as needed.
Key Quotes and Insights
To reinforce these strategies, consider these poignant insights shared during the discussion:
- "Understanding different perspectives helps set up successful interactions."
- "Obligers often confuse the absence of outer expectations with the ability to meet inner expectations."
These principles underline the importance of empathy and adaptability in financial conversations.
Practical Steps to Get Started
To start utilizing the framework of the four tendencies in your financial discussions, follow these action steps:
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Take the Four Tendencies Quiz
Understand your tendency and that of your partner or family members by taking the quiz available at quiz.GretchenRubin.com. -
Discuss Your Results
Once you have your results, engage in a conversation about them. Share your insights and encourage your partner to do the same. Use this knowledge as a base for future financial discussions. -
Implement Tailored Strategies
Put the tailored strategies into practice during your next conversation about finances. Monitor what works and what doesn’t, and adjust your approach as necessary. -
Celebrate Small Wins
As you progress, celebrate milestones along the way. This can help motivate everyone involved and solidify the commitment to achieving shared financial goals.
Conclusion
Improving financial independence discussions starts with understanding personality traits through the lens of the four tendencies. By customizing your communication strategy based on these insights, you can create a more supportive and effective dialogue. Foster a collaborative environment where everyone feels heard and empowered, and watch as you navigate the pathway to financial independence together.
Although finding the path to FI can be exciting, it can be frustrating to have difficulty communicating this vision to your family and friends. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, sheds some light on the Four Tendencies or people and how to communicate with each tendency.
[elementor-template id="143609"]Gretchen's Story
Gretchen is an Upholder by nature. She walked away from a Supreme Court clerk position to become a successful writer and made her dream of writing come true.
Along the way, she uncovered the Four Tendencies that can help you understand your own and other people's outlooks on life better.
The Four Tendencies
Gretchen developed the Four Tendencies later in her writing career with her book, The Four Tendencies. Before writing this book, she had written others including Better Than Before, which led her into the territory of habits.
Once she started thinking about habits, she wanted to understand the reasons why different people thought about the concepts of habits differently. Some people enjoyed New Year's resolutions, others thought they were too arbitrary. Some people could regularly exercise with a group but couldn't get out the door by themselves.
Listen: Atomic Habits
After some careful digging, Rubin uncovered the Four Tendencies. She built this framework to help understand how people approach things differently.
The Four Tendencies, which is a personality framework that explains how people come to these situations from different perspectives, they have different challenges...If you understand how someone has a different perspective or a different kind of challenge, you can set things up in a way where it will work for both of you because a lot of times, we just assume everybody sees the world [the way] we do.
A lot of times, we assume that other people see the world in the same way that we do. When they don't and we are baffled that they have a different perspective. You can use the framework to better understand where someone else is coming from and work towards a solution that you can both accept.
Otherwise, you'll just "throw spaghetti at the wall" until something sticks or works. However, this trial and error approach can be a very frustrating process.
The quiz that Rubin created is very specific. Unlike a broad personality test, it is not trying to paint an entire picture of your personality. Instead, it is only trying to uncover a small slice. Even though it doesn't show you the whole picture, it is a significant aspect.
Resource: The Four Tendencies Quiz
Uncovering The Four Tendencies
Building a way to look at people's personalities is very difficult. In fact, Rubin claims it was the most difficult mental exercise of her life. And she served as a Supreme Court clerk!
After thinking about it in many different ways, she suddenly realized that there are two types of expectations. Inner and outer expectations.
There are two kinds of expectations people fall into or experience. Outer expectations like a work deadline or a request from a friend; and then, inner expectations, which is my own desire to keep a New Year's resolution. My own desire to write a novel in my free time. My own desire to get back to playing guitar. As I started thinking about it, I realized that people experience outer and inner expectations differently.
When she boiled it down to inner and outer expectations, it created only four possibilities for different tendencies. After all, you can only accept or resist inner or outer expectations.
Of course, there is some grey area because the tendencies are a spectrum. Additionally, the book dives into the nuanced details to explain the concept. Once you understand the tendencies, it can be very easy to pick out other people from your circle.
Your Values
In addition to your tendencies, a lot of what you do depends on your values. For example, a Rebel might seem inconsiderate. However, if they place a high value on being good citizens or doing things out of love, then they may be very helpful.
Listen: The Why of FI
Breaking Down The Four Tendencies
Let's take a closer look at each of the tendencies below.
Upholder
An Upholder readily meets both inner and outer expectations. They typically meet work deadlines or keep New Year's resolutions without any fuss.
Discipline is my freedom.
Brad and Gretchen both fall into this category.
Questioner
This individual questions all expectations. They will do something if they think it makes sense. They will not do something if they think it is arbitrary or unjust. It needs to meet their inner standard.
I'll comply if you convince me why.
Obliger
An Obliger needs accountability. They care about outer expectations but not about inner expectations. If they want to meet inner expectations, then they need to create outer accountability. For example, if they want to read more then they should join a book club.
You can count on me and I'm counting on you to count on me.
This is the most common tendency. If you need help with accountability, then check out the Better app.
Rebel
A Rebel resists all expectations, both outer and inner. They want to do what they want to do in their own way in their own time. They value the freedom to do something in their own way and they often love a challenge. Typically, they don't want to tell themselves what to do. For example, they are unlikely to sign up for an exercise class on a Saturday.
You can't make me and neither can I.
This is the least common tendency.
Understanding The Tendencies
Each tendency has its strengths and weaknesses. When you understand your own tendency, then you can lean into your strong points. You'll be able to set up a system that works for you. For example, if you are a Rebel that hates doing busy work, then set up everything on autopay.
Additionally, you may find that you have more empathy for people with other tendencies.
Although we each have a dominant tendency, there is a definite overlap. It is likely that you tip one way or another on the most connected tendencies.
FI Conversations
If you want to share FI with your family but they don't share your enthusiasm, it can be frustrating. However, you can use the tendencies to at least start a conversation about Financial Independence.
Obliger
If you are working with an Obliger, then create some outer accountability. Set up an appointment with a financial advisor with the consequence of an appointment fee. Put it on the calendar and they will likely show up. Also, talk about the idea of others depending on this conversation. After all, money can be a way to help others that might be in trouble down the line. An Obliger will want to be the helping hand.
Rebel
Rebels don't like to be told what to do. However, they put a high value on freedom and choice. Financial Independence is the ultimate freedom. Show them the possibilities of breaking free from your financial chains because money will give them the ability to make decisions more freely.
Questioner
A Questioner is more data-driven. If you show them the numbers of Financial Independence, they will likely get on board easily.
Upholder
Finally, an Upholder is the easiest person to start talking to. Just put it on your calendar for a time when they are well-rested. They will sit down, especially if this is just to service the situation.
Start with information, surveying the situation, and getting on the same page.
How To Connect
You can find Gretchen's content on gretchenrubin.com or through her podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. Check out the Four Tendencies Quiz here.
The Hot Seat
Favorite Blog, Podcast, or Book:
Podcasts: 20k Hertz, Happier in Hollywood, Dolly Parton's America
Books: A Pattern Language, Man's Search for Meaning, The Story of a Soul, Internal Time, The Goblet of Fire.
An Inflection Point: Switching from law to writing. Also, meeting her husband at the law school library.
Favorite Life Hack: Get enough sleep.
Biggest Financial Mistake: Not keeping a close eye on what is coming in and out. She wants to pay more attention in 2020.
The advice you would give your younger self: Be Gretchen.
Bonus! What purchase have you made in the past 12 months that has brought the most value to your life? A Bandolier Phone Case It lets her keep track of her phone easily throughout her travels.
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New to FI? Be sure to check out Episode 100: Welcome To The FI Community!