Reached FI - Retire or not?

We are in the same age range for us and our kids. I think we hit a happy middle with both of us getting to be part time. So we have time where it's the kids with Dad, the kids with Mom, Mom and Dad together while kids are in school and then all of us together. The kids get to have things special with each of us so really not missing out on each stage of their very fast time at home. For example this week I worked and got home to frogs chirping as they had gone on a bike ride with Dad and recorded what they refer to as "Frog City," and were blasting it on the speaker. We get to go on trips near and far and work on our own individual projects for ourselves. We also have one of us with benefits still and start to practice what the spending side looks like. You don't have to retire at the same time you have the financial independence to try some things. Best of luck and definitely not alone in these questions!

If you both enjoy your jobs, keep working. If not, try something new. Mini retirement (or at least a long vacation) is a good place to start. Maybe the “retire early” wasn’t the right end goal for FI. Maybe yours is FISL - Financial independence, start living.

Wondering "how to" find fulfillment probably suggests it could be rocky to pull the plug immediately/promptly; if work isn't "toxic", then taking your own emotional time while banking some extra isn't awful. Frittering away the next 10 years could be something you regret, though.

You can play around with the emotional side while slowly detaching from work or "putting it in perspective" or some such. You can take random days off together and see what you truly enjoy doing if you treat it as an adult "play date". Getting the juices flowing at least every other week might start moving the needle on the deeper understanding of what the situation really means to you.

There was also an interesting, recent podcast episode containing a friendly debate on the Earn and Invest podcast about working a bit longer or just working very little or not at all (or only if it TRULY is the one thing you feel called to do):

703. What's the Point of FIRE? (Community Episode)

Fulfillment is one of the tough things about retirement in general. I've been retired (early) from my career for 5 years. It took me a few years of the "messy middle" feeling to figure out what my next chapter would be. The resources I found helpful with this transition are Fritz Gilbert (Retirement Manifesto) and Dan Haylett - Humans vs Retirement podcast. Both tackle the non-financials of retirement in a very real, practical steps way. They talk about identity, purpose, routines, relationships - all the things that get disrupted and change with retirement.

One thing you can try to "prove" the numbers to yourselves is to deposit your paychecks into an account that you don't touch, and live from your investments while working for a while. Of course this doesn't account for the cost of healthcare (you could simulate premium payments by transferring money to that same account) and your tax brackets would probably be different.

The identity question is the tougher question, along with community, purpose, etc. I struggle with these. Working another year won't get you closer to those answers.

For me, it is all about vaIues -- doing what I value the most. I had my dream job (educating military members on personal finance--great boss, great co-workers, great mission, fully-funded, great pay and benefits, fully remote, etc), but it wasn't what I wanted to the most with my time AND it was getting in the way of what I wanted to do the most so I quit. My value was my health (e.g., getting a full night's sleep, stretching, hiking), spending more quality time with my friends and family, extensive travel, reading more, learning a language and following my curiosity. My job was below all of that, so I let it go. I also let go of 98% of my physical belongings to include a house and car and became a full-time nomad. This lifestyle design helped me achieve my top values. Once you decide what your top values are, design your life around them. If the number one thing you want to do with your time out of the millions of possibilities is the job you have or another job you want, then do that. Otherwise, let it go and do what you truly value. The great thing was I didn't have to have it all figured out when I retired. Having time in retirement to figure it out and try out several possibilities was fantastic. I knew my original career (hospitality and government policy) wasn't what I wanted to do. I tried graduate school studying history, then looked at consulting in personal finance, landed my dream job mentioned above, and finally became a minimalist and nomad. Now after 2.5 years of that I am loving it. If my values shift in the future (which I'm sure they will), I'll shift with them. You are in a great place to be able to choose how you want to spend your time now that you are FI. No need just stashing away extra money just because you can at the cost of invaluable time. I see you have a younger child. When my wife was still working (she retired 1.5 years after I did), I did things that enabled our time together when she was free. I did the household chores during the day (e.g., grocery shopping, mowing, car appointments, etc.) when it wasn't crowded. So when my wife was home she wasn't focused on using her limited off time doing laundry, shopping, etc. If my children had been younger when I learned about FI, I would have made sure I was more available to be a bigger part of their lives--attending more events, coaching sports, volunteering, etc. Having freedom to have fun adventures on the weekends and holiday breaks. So many options in front of you! All the best in your journey!

To me, it seems like you have the opportunity right now to create the life you never want to retire from. If that involves the kind of work you're doing now, and the people you're doing it with, that's amazing! Keep it up! Just see if you can find ways to opt out of the parts you don't like. Your "salary" at that point is really "money I can spend to stop having to deal with the parts of my job I don't like," since you don't otherwise need the money.

Maybe you only want to work within certain hours. Great! Negotiate it. If things are really good, they'd probably be glad to have you less time for less money rather than not at all if you fully retired. If there are administrative parts of the job you don't like doing, hire somebody else to do those parts. Use the money you do have at your disposal to be able to do more of the work you love and less of the work that drains you.

I think there are lots of people who have found work they would practically do for free, just because they love doing it. For those people, it's the financial independence to work on their terms that matters, not the early retirement.

But if your family already has ideas about what you'd want to do at 49/50, is there some reason you wouldn't want to do them until then? Or would having ten extra years to do them be even better?

Retiring early is optional. You don't have to retire until you can't (safely) do the work anymore, and if you really love it, don't retire from it before you stop loving it!

I'm not sure anyone on a forum can answer your first question. Only you can.

Having said that, if I were in your shoes, I'd be asking myself what would I want to look back on in life and be able to say I did and do that. If work for you is about a paycheck, I would probably regret not leaving. If work is about the people and building something together, I would be proud to stay on and continue.

If you feel like you should leave, I feel like the mini-retirements might be a good place to start. Take an extended leave of absence (maybe three to six months to start) and use it to do things you may have never previously had time for. Go on that trip; start that business; spend more time with family and friends. As you start to orient yourself outside of your job, it may become more clear what your "retirement" might look like and maybe retirement will be the wrong word. Maybe it will be seizing the opportunity afforded to you by your financial independence.

You don't have to figure it all out at once. Treat it as a transition period. You don't want to drop yourself off in the middle of a large city without a map. Start creating the metaphorical map by venturing off in directions for a short time and coming back to where you know. After enough ventures, you'll have your map and know where you'll want to spend your time.