I'm close to being able to leave my job, and I'm struggling so much with the way it's so counter-cultural and people will think it's crazy! I want so badly to be home with my kids, so I know exactly what I'm running TO - not just running from my job. But 1) I'm scared of running out of money, 2) I'm scared of what people will think (I don't know why I care what people think!) and 3) I'm scared of healthcare. ProjectionLab says I have an 80%+ chance of success, not counting an inheritance that we expect to eventually receive. I've done enough research on healthcare to know that I CAN buy insurance and that cost is factored into my calculations. So, when I really access it, it comes down to being scared of going against the grain and what people will think! Our culture says to drive to make more money, so giving up a really great, high-paying job is crazy. I'm thankful for this group and the FIRE community for trying to normalize this concept to make it a little less scary! I'd love to hear more stories of people with kids retiring early - somehow I think kids make it scarier but maybe not!
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Replies (10)
koopafish
8 months ago
Part of your thought process here is influenced by the fact that when you are working, you are mostly surrounded with working people talking about their careers. When you are not working, you won't be as much. I do think as women we have some good "excuses" for quitting. If you don't want to explain to everyone the whole thing, you can just say you are a stay at home Mom and leave it at that. No one will even blink because there are tons of stay at home moms out there. If you aren't working, you will likely run into them more on weekdays at PTO, clubs, book clubs, kids events, etc. That will help it feel more normal to you. In my experience, stay at home moms overlap largely with religiosity so that is a consideration. It's probably a good thing if you are religious as you will be among like minded individuals. If you are not religious, it may be a barrier to you. Of course, there are many nonreligious stay at home moms as well. I just speak of percentages.
Anyway, my point is, there are plenty of people living off the beaten path lives but you won't generally find them at the office
GoingFI
8 months ago
Look, no matter what you read or hear it will always feel scary to pull the plug on a great income. An 80% chance of success in PL is not bad by all accounts - personally, I would not be comfortable with it even with kids in their 20s. That's just me though. You could think about a sabbatical, different schedule or different job in the same line of work. If you had the retire and you got your numbers and assumptions right (with a portfolio to withstand the market volatility), then most likely all will be well. What other people think will be quickly on page 11.
Cherna
9 months ago
Hi Lindsey,
I am feeling the same way, although my kids are now college age. But I do worry about all the same things! I work with people who are close to 70 and I think that's crazy!! When will they get the freedom to enjoy all they have worked for?
But, in the end who cares what other people think. We get only one life on this earth.
Maybe you can give yourself permission to try it for a year or two and see how it goes?
I agree that it's hard because we are taught a fear-based way to see the world. What if I run out of money or I can't get another job if I need it? Especially as I am older, earning the most I ever have. . . Am I being ungrateful to leave my position now? Those are the fears that run through my mind. But I suppose I could flip it and say what if it is the best thing I ever do? I won't know until I give it a try. It just feels like taking a step that is so FINAL!!!
BostonFI
9 months ago
What might help is spending more time with people who think early retirement is admirable and are working toward it themselves. That could help you start to see your early retirement as something totally normal among your (new) peers. Maybe start attending events hosted by your local ChooseFI group or register for the next CampFI event or EconoMe conference.
If an in-person event is a lot, the Two Sides of FI podcast could also help you start to normalize the choice to retire early. The focus of that podcast is on the transition into early retirement, lifestyle design and reinventing yourself. They sometimes discuss the awkwardness of other people's reactions.