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Hi everyone,
Does anyone else financially support family while working toward FI? How do you balance the two?
My parents emigrated to the U.S. and sacrificed so much for my brother and me. Now my husband and I help my mom (mid-80s) age in place, which means putting less toward FI and possibly working longer than I’d like.
If you’re in a similar situation, how do you manage it — both financially and emotionally?
JV_FI
6 months ago
My partner and I have a separate bucket for any potential costs for financially supporting our aging parents. We don't have an issue with any of the future expenses that are out of their control (e.g. health issues), however, given the differences in our (vs our parents') views on lifestyle, spending/saving and risk-taking, there will likely be expenses that we would have to cover that are due to mistakes and risk-taking that are within our parents' control and are something that we would consider easily avoidable by making changes to their spending habits and risk-taking. We do struggle with the idea of having to finance these types of expenses, especially when we have voiced our concerns but what has helped us so far is to think that such costs will not last forever and that we are lucky to be in a financial situation to be able to help even if that means that we would have to delay our own goals during our FI journey. That being said, we feel very strongly that we do not want our own children to be in a similar situation in the future and thus we'll do our utmost within our control to make sure that we don't end up being a financial burden for them in the future. Further, we hope that our children will continue this approach vis-a-vis their children.
Fabiooltje
6 months ago
Not fully comparable, but helping my sister out financially when she was in the process of divorcing has had some impact on my own ability to save up to become FI. It slowed me down slightly.
I would say: sit down by yourself and think about how much you want to help and why. If you share your finances with someone else (I don't), then definitely make sure they know all about it too, and that the two of you are on the same page.
The whole situation has been pretty tough, but things are looking up, now. Maybe it helps to know that you will feel emotions, and that that is okay. I've been sad, I've been angry, I've been nervous... and now things are getting better and I'm mostly just glad that I have been able to help a little bit.
You have to take care of yourself, too. Find your balance taking care of your mother and taking care of yourself and other loved ones.
UncleFrank
6 months ago
Yes, we did two things -- first, we delayed the FI date. Second, we focused on creating portfolios that would allow for increased spending (5%-ish), because those extra expenses are only going to last as long as your parent(s) are around.
My father was also an immigrant and we have viewed this more as an honor than an obligation.
I talked about this in this episode of the Afford Anything podcast:
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