Saying No, Simply and Gracefully
Elisabeth Andrews is a great friend of mine and has been incredibly helpful to our community, offering free workshops on Boundaries and Journaling through this newsletter the past year.
I’m always on the lookout for more of her insightful wisdom and I just came across this great article on her Substack called “You are simply not available.”
Her message is helpful for those of us who have issues simply saying ‘no’ to requests or invitations.
An example in the article:
“Like many of us, her husband got the message that any “no” requires an airtight alibi, lest we be judged as selfish, unhelpful, or snobby. These beliefs can run deep, forming a moral framework in which one’s time is owed to anyone who claims it. The only acceptable defense is a prior commitment.”
“But when anyone else makes a request you choose not to fulfill, you are free to use a simple phrase like:
“I’m not available.”
“I have a conflict.”
“I can’t make it.”
Why?
Because you do not owe the details of your obligations, hardships, and tradeoffs to people who aren’t supporting you through them.
And, it’s important to note, most people who aren’t that close to you are not asking for, and do not want, a detailed tour of your private priorities and travails.”
Ultimately, Elisabeth argues, you should be focusing on your own wellbeing and those closest to you, and not on these looser connections that could number in the hundreds of people.
This ties to an idea I passed along here a few weeks ago that resonated with many of you:
A time savings rate
Yes, you probably can do all the things on your extended to-do list with every waking minute you have. But at what cost mentally and physically?
Just like you cannot be healthy financially if you don’t have a significant savings rate as a starting point, you cannot be healthy psychologically if you don’t have a time savings rate.
That needs to be the starting point. You must build in time for self-care, reading, relaxing, meditation, workouts, etc.
Your time can’t all be devoted to a list of tasks or acquaintances to continually respond to. It isn’t sustainable.
Millionaire Next Door Advice
A guaranteed way to not build wealth: Wear your money. Drive your money. Live in your money.
- Rachael Camp, CFP
(My most recent mailbag episode with Rachael came out last week. Episode 545)