Upcoming ChooseFI Podcast Episode: "Why Having Enough Doesn't Feel Like Enough"

This topic really resonates with me.

I made the transition to Barista FIRE four months ago, at 40, about 2–3 years earlier than I originally planned. Financially, the decision was well thought through. I've tracked our household finances since 2015, so I have 11.5 years of actual spending data rather than assumptions. The spreadsheet said we were okay.

What I didn't expect was that knowing you're financially okay doesn't automatically make you feel okay.

For more than a decade I was used to having problems to solve, deadlines to meet and fires to put out. After leaving, I found myself almost looking for the next fire. When there wasn't one, I initially struggled with the feeling that I wasn't doing enough.

Four months in, I'm still figuring it out. I've gotten better at recognizing that there may simply be no fire to put out, but I'm still struggling with the urge to optimize everything, including a spreadsheet that probably doesn't need optimizing anymore.

I've also gone back to work, but in a completely different industry, with minimal responsibility and four night shifts a week. And, somewhat surprisingly, it's the best job I've ever had so far. 😂

It pays enough to cover our monthly expenses, leaves almost four full days off every week, and because I sleep while the kids are at school, I'm actually around for most of their free time.

So perhaps this is another part of the answer: financial independence doesn't necessarily mean never working again. For me, it means being able to choose work based on how well it fits into my life, rather than how much responsibility, status or money it brings.

I've written up the full story here, including the numbers, 11.5 years of expense tracking, and an update after four months:

Premature FIRE at 40? The spreadsheet said "yes." My brain wasn't so sure.

Premature FIRE at 40? The spreadsheet said "yes." My brain wasn't so sure.

The question I'm still trying to answer is: How do you give yourself permission to stop optimizing once you've reached "enough"?

I'd be very interested to hear what others have experienced.

I really like and agree with seanna's response. To add some more, my wife and I retired early 4 years ago. To help my wife and I take the leap and quit our jobs was trusting the math. Not just the simple SWR math against our annual expenses, but stress testing our plan against possible scenarios such as an early death for one of us, a divorce, surprise kid or parent expenses, surprise medical expenses, long-term care expenses, etc. Once we saw that our plan could weather these unlikely but not improbable situations with some reasonable accommodations (e.g., spending less on discretionary items), we felt comfortable trusting our plan. It has worked great for us so far!

Nearing retirement (feasibly 2 years out). As the household's CFO, my biggest concern is regarding legacy. Im not talking bequests or estate planning, but rather my spouse has had a lifelong aversion to managing bank accounts. I'm comfortable with my DIY financial plan. Our Retirement Distribution Hatchet vastly exceeds what our base great life will cost. I find comfort in a TIPS ladder serving as "protected" income without insurance contracts. I'm happy with my allocation tilted to small value profitability and international split. I have a document that outlines all of this, and every financial detail you could want to know. But my spouse never created login credentials to her own credit cards, doesn't know her IRA custodian or auto insurance company. She is a master at frugality, yet cannot tell you what our life costs per year or what Form 1040 is. She hates conversations about "what if I get hit by a bus?" I wish Joint Retirement Accounts were a thing so we wouldn't have so many of them. After twenty years, it's overwhelming to try to piece the puzzle together if you're just starting to unpack how this all works. I do not want to pay an advisor 1% AUM to rebuild/deploy what I already have in place, but that might be the best option for continuity. Honestly this is my biggest psychological hurdle.

Interesting question - for me, it's partly about being a novice at being "retired" - this is all new and I only get one chance. Working on my mindset - I've made other life transitions and I still have all of my skills helps, but it's still a great unknown.

Second, I just feel like so many things are uncertain right now. What will happen with health insurance? What if the laws change to tax Roth accounts? What if? What if? The flip side is - tomorrow isn't promised, so what if my 3-5 years of early retirement is all there is and I'm much happier than if I had died working.

It's all a lot, but finding some cushion in the numbers is making it easier to think about making it happen.

I keep pushing my date out by a few months even though the math checks out. My fear is the unknown (what if an adult child needs help, what if we want to do something we haven’t planned for?). There’s just something very unsettling about going from a steady paycheck week after week, to just turning the spigot off. Rationally I know that I can figure it out whatever happens, but it is a significant psychological hurdle. I’m glad you are addressing this in an upcoming podcast. 😊

Hi Cody- As a person retired in early 40's the greatest issues for me are the changing expenses due to my kids getting older as well as the uncertainty of college costs.

I feel like I'm FI on a budget since the first 5 years are the greatest risk to sinking our plan. We live a pretty comfortable life right now but I feel like I'm doing my future self a disservice by spending more now. We are planning to spend a bit more in late 50's when our kids are out of the house and we can travel. For our family, life tends to have lumpy expenses that I can't always account for in a spreadsheet.

The other big item that limits my current spending is Healthcare costs as I am limiting taxable income this year due to the ACA Subsidies.

Its a difficult transition to go from saving to spending and like life there is no cut and dry right way to do things only good enough. So we are trying to do the best we can and not stress out if it's not perfect.

Cody, there are several valid factors to consider, such as:

"Live Below Your Means" as a stress-free alternative to budgeting in retirement

As well as the following:

• https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3875802

shows that retirees spend much more from reliable income than if the same amount of wealth is left in an investment portfolio - for good reasons including that the risk of running out is lower, so they don't have to reserve as much "just in case."

• This is especially true for people who have a preference for sourcing retirement income via "reliable income" (about ⅓ of investors) rather that "total returns". See Retirement income sourcing preferences / biases
• Also: /d/why-living-below-your-retirement-means-feels-more-abundant-than-living-at-your-means-even-though-it-involves-spending-less
• And finally, consider from Jordan Grumet Why There Is Absolutely No Shame in Dying a Millionaire

It is not simply cognitive biases against spending - though that may also be present. There are also very valid reasons - that are treated quite dismissively in the FI community.

The biggest psychological hurdle for me has been the temptation to move the goalposts. I'm well past the FI number I set a decade ago, but doubts have crept in. And they are rational doubts: all-time market highs, high inflation, and geopolitical risks around every corner. Plus, I hit my number several years earlier than I had projected because returns have been so good. Those dynamics have been driving "one more year" thinking.

For myself, I’ve been in the FI world and researching for years. And while first it was focused on the numbers in the last few years it switched to the value of time and psychological aspects. The last two years reading books like five regrets of the dying and knowing that leaving corporate doesn’t mean I’ll never make another dollar. This outlook allowed me to separate from corporate world last month.

However for my wife, she’s just been around for the ride and the lose of a paycheck or determination of enough is much harder for her to accept. For her, enough is providing consistent security regardless of what the numbers show. This ties into the recent episode.

The hardest psychological hurdle for me has been accepting that “enough” applies not only to money, but also to how I spend my days.

After an achievement focused career, I assumed retirement would naturally be filled with ambitious projects, volunteering, coaching, writing, building something, or making a larger public impact. Instead, I found myself happiest caring for my family, improving my health, gardening, cooking, organizing my home, learning, nurturing friendships, and taking thoughtful trips. For a while, I felt guilty that I wasn’t “doing more.”

Two things helped me reframe that.

First, I listened to an interview from Playing With FIRE with Vicki Robin (Your Money or Your Life) https://youtu.be/Vfc1YMfDFY4?is=qVXqN3Lhjc7JQy3c.The part that deeply resonated with me was her declaration that there is no way we cannot make a difference because we are part of the whole. Whether we are kind to one person, tend a garden, or give a speech to a thousand people, it can all be “love in action.” That gave me permission to stop measuring my retirement by visible achievement, although I still have to relearn this from time to time.

Second, The Purpose Code helped me distinguish between Big P Purpose (the grand mission that changes the world) and Little P purpose—the found in ordinary acts of caring, learning, having fun, creating, and connecting. I realized I had been searching for a Big P retirement when what was actually bringing me joy was living my Little P purpose every day.

Financial independence removed one category of constraints. It didn’t give me purpose—it gave me the freedom to ask a deeper question: How do I actually want to live?

What I care about most in retirement is: health, family, relationships, and community. I’m finally coming to believe that success is measured by whether my ordinary days reflect what I genuinely value. A simple day spent helping my family, working in the garden, cooking dinner, or taking a walk isn’t “less than” a day filled with impressive accomplishments. It may actually be the whole point.

Financial independence is not the destination; it is the removal of one category of constraints so that my ordinary days can increasingly reflect my deepest values.